“Every worthwhile thing I ever accomplished, be it climbing the Matterhorn, kayaking the Nile, or learning to fly a plane, started out as a wish that I wrote down. If I were to describe the process I went through to turn those wishes into accomplishments, it would look very much like what you will find in Where's the Map? This marvelous book is for anyone who refuses to settle for the lackluster, mediocre existence that quietly takes over most people’s lives. You can settle, or you can figure out the life you want to live, and go for it. With its revealing questions and thought-provoking exercises, Where's the Map? will help you draw your own map for getting there.”

John Goddard
Author of The Survivor: 24 Spine-Chilling Adventures on the Edge of Death
www.johngoddard.info

"This book is something I would definitely take advantage of—it is something all students can relate too. I wish I had something like this for my senior year that explained all the different options for what you can do after high school."

Samantha Goudreau
Sophomore at the University of VT

My mom (or dad) would never let me do that!

10 tips on how to follow your OWN path AND stay close to your family.

You’ve got the freedom to make your own decisions. How come you can’t get your mom’s (or dad’s) voice out of your head? Let’s face it, your family’s opinion is important to you. But so is following your own path. How do you follow your OWN path without alienating your family? Here are 10 tips that are “kid-tested, mother-approved”:

1. Keep in touch.
No matter what. No matter where you go, you can always keep in touch with your family by phone, e-mail, text message, or a good old snail mail letter. When I moved to Hawaii (which my parents in Vermont were not psyched about given that I am now 6000 miles from them) I made a promise to myself to call my family every week, for at least one hour. I have kept this promise for nearly five years now, and it seems to bridge the distance very well. Can you get home to see the family at least once a year? Try. It’s worth it, just to be in their lives, especially if there are kids in your family. You would hate to be that “Uncle Who?” your nieces and nephews can’t even identify in a photo.

2. Be clear about the reasons for why you want to pursue a particular path. “I don’t know” doesn’t hold up that strongly with the folks, especially if they are supporting you financially. And sometimes if you don’t have a strong rationale for why you want to follow a new and different path, you parents might assume that you’re just rebelling against them. Being able to explain why you want to do what you want to do will strengthen your case and give you leverage when talking to your family.

3. Write down your vision.
Write out your plan for your family. Here’s my mission. Here are the strategies I plan to follow, and my initial steps. Being very clear about what you are doing will calm their worries and give you a greater measure of freedom.

4. Help your family relate to your need for freedom or your desire to do something different than they want.
Your parents were once teenagers (hard to believe I know) and they had their own push and pull with their parents. Maybe someone in your family left home, or chose a completely different career path than was expected. My mom grew up in a family where no one had ever attended college, and it challenged her parents to support her in this decision because they couldn’t understand her need to do this.

5. “You will just never understand me!” is not a good enough answer.
This response gets you nowhere, if you goal is to NOT alienate your family. Maybe they don’t quite get you, but this response eliminates any possibility of further communication or even partial understanding.

6. Try writing your statement out.
You might get a little agitated when talking face to face with your family because they push your buttons—and let’s admit it—you push theirs as well. Write out what you need to say to your family to see if you can clearly state your goals and intentions without losing your cool.

7. Set a timeline.
Our parents worry that we will wander aimlessly forever. Give them a timeline. Make it up. “I will soul search for a few months. If I don’t find a path by then, I’ll re-evaluate and check in with you for advice.”

8. Don’t close yourself off to their advice completely.
You might have very unsupportive parents, but are there some words of wisdom in what they say to you? Remember a lot of the values we believe in come from our family. We may not apply the same strategies to life as they do, but often our core values are shared. Write out what they are saying. Where is the truth in what your mom is telling you? What wisdom can you take with you?

9. Don’t tell them your craziest plans.
To communicate with your folks doesn’t mean you have to tell them every last detail. Tell them about the great road trip you have planned to scope out the US, but not necessarily about the hostel room you have booked in San Francisco’s red light district.

10. Only fight the battles you need to.
In college I was a leftist, vegetarian, pacifist, feminist in a conservative meat-eating family with 3 generations of military men. It was more important to fight my battles out in the world rather than in my parent’s living room. Enjoy your time at home. Don’t make compromises about the big issues, but remember to yield on the little things if you don’t want to alienate the folks.

Following my OWN unique path has been my number one priority in my life, but maintaining a connection with my family has always been important. Whether or not they have understood my path or my decisions, they have always supported me because I’ve used these techniques to avoid alienating them. Hope some of these tips helped you. I've got 11 More Tips on how to follow your OWN path AND stay close to your family. Coming soon!