“As you leave school you step from a lifetime of dependence and embark on a lifetime of independence. The chances of making the best of that lifetime are greatly enhanced if you have a plan from the outset. Preparing that plan is not easy but help is now at hand thanks to the excellent Where’s the Map? All parents and all students owe a debt to Jim and Beth Hood for this book, which should be a must read for every high school graduate.”

Richard Oliver
Chief Executive, Year Out Group
www.yearoutgroup.org

Three Gifts Your Grad could do Without this Graduation Season

It’s time for your teen to graduate and you are filled with pride. But you are also filled with a few other emotions, which will likely be passed along to your graduate with their stacks of cards, copies of Oh, the Places You'll Go!, and engraved fountain pens. Below are three non-material “gifts” that you may not know you are passing on, and they can be some of the longest lasting and potentially harmful gifts of all.

#1. Fear

“The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one.” —Elbert Hubbard

“Don't be afraid to go out on a limb. That's where the fruit is.” —H. Jackson Browne

“I'm not afraid of storms, for I'm learning how to sail my ship.” —Louise May Alcott

It’s normal to feel a certain amount of fear about what is to come for your grad after school’s out. But passing on an unhealthy dose of fear to your grad about the future, will not serve them in the long run, as it may inhibit them to meet new people, try new things, and explore their options fully. Before you give too much fear to your grad, consider exchanging it for hope, and passing this on instead. Turn the question “what if they fail?” into “what if they succeed?” Travel back in time and remember the hope you had about setting out into the world and accomplishing your dreams. This really is the beginning of an exciting new journey for our newly graduated and many of their dreams are resting on this hope. “Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all.” (Dale Carnegie). Exchange your fear for hope, and both you and your grad will experience this new transition much easier.

#2. Worry

“It ain't no use putting up your umbrella till it rains.”—Alice Caldwell Rice

“Worry is a cycle of inefficient thoughts whirling around a center of fear.” —Corrie Ten Boom

“If you believe that feeling bad or worrying long enough will change a past or future event, then you are residing on another planet with a different reality system.” —William James

Naturally parents worry about their kids, especially after they leave the nest. Will they have enough money? Will they hang out with the right crowd? Will they make good choices?Will they be safe? Will they be happy? You may think that worrying makes you feel temporarily better because it shows you care about your kids, but worrying will only lead to more worrying, not relief. Your grad has enough to think about as they have moved beyond the comfort of your home, without worrying about you being worried about them. Replace your worry with trust, and try it on for size for a few months as your kids are settling in to their new lives. “Those who trust us educate us.” (T.S. Eliot) Giving your child your full trust in their judgment and decisions will open up your communication and make your life healthier and more enjoyable. Having our parent’s trust allows us to grow.

#3. Doubt

"There is nothing more dreadful than the habit of doubt. Doubt separates people. It is a poison that disintegrates friendships and breaks up pleasant relations. It is a thorn that irritates and hurts; it is a sword that kills." —Buddha

"What makes a river so restful to people is that it doesn't have any doubt - it is sure to get where it is going, and it doesn't want to go anywhere else." —Hal Boyle

Doubt, like pessimism, is a useless inheritance to your new graduate. Transform your doubt into belief. When you believe in your kids’ dreams and their abilities to accomplish them, their success can soar. When you allow doubt to cloud your belief, your kids may take on this doubt as well which may dash their dreams and their confidence. They likely have a fair share of doubt in their abilities to accomplish their goals already, but in many ways they are looking to those around them to provide encouragement and belief. "Our belief at the beginning of a doubtful undertaking is the one thing that assures the successful outcome of any venture."  (William James)

So this graduation season, as you are wrapping up the new ipod or tucking a check into your son or daughter’s graduation card, give some thought to the fear, worry or doubt that you may be unintentionally “gifting” to your grad. And instead exchange them for a little hope, trust, and belief.